It has been a long time….

And a very crazy time. I got swept up like everyone, with the whole election process. And I was/am upset with the outcome.  Not just that he won, but that the GOP let him get away with it. They just sat back to reap the rewards of his cult of lies and insults (I have never met or heard of a more petty person) .  Now he seems Hell bent on destroying the US, tearing apart the fabric of our nation. I am not talking programs or health care, I am talking about how he treats the office. How he changes the rules to get his way (with the GOP help) and totally has no regard for the requirements of being a president. Plus he is letting the fascist take control and the country is going into total riot mode.  I may not be old, but it seems to me that the last time we had so much violence was the Civil War.

On a better note, happier note, we are moving towards Spring.  We keep making improvements on our house, the job is secure as far as I know.


What the hell is wrong with people ?

Hey, long time and no posts, my bad, I am sorry.  Just been trying to get my head straight and centered.  But, what is not helping is people.  It seems like the world population has been going on a binge of violence, stupidity, racism, elitism, lies, smack-talking, everything that is bad. Everything is going wrong worldwide.

Can’t we all just get along (cliche) but still, a good idea.  You have police using double standards up to lethal force between races. You have black on black violence. You have politicians making outright lies about each other.  Racism is through the roof. People acting like animals at protests so their point becomes worthless.  You have people killing people because they are not the right religion. You have people killing cops for killing people.  You have politicians who claim to be Christian wanting to cut funding to feed the poor and home the homeless or teach the kids.  You have the environment just failing and people denying it is happening.  You have sports fans, professional and college, who believe it is OK to attack fans from the wrong team, or burn and loot when your team wins. Shootings are so common now that if the body count isn’t 3 or more the news doesn’t care. You have teachers and day care workers, abusing or sexually assaulting kids in their care.

Does anyone remember Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.? Does anyone remember Ghandi?  Does anyone remember Mr. Rodgers?  What about Sesame Street and Kermit the Frog. None of them would do anything like this.

Where has the love gone?  Where has the caring for your neighbors or strangers gone?  Do you say thank you or have a nice day to anyone?

hey world, take a chill pill

I know it has been a long time since I wrote here, and tons has gone on the last few months.  Some great people gone, some bad people making trouble. People acting crazy, saying crazy things, throwing out crazy ideas and treating other people bad.

You know, everyone needs to take a day off, go outside, get someplace green, sit and watch the clouds, take some deep breaths, have a snack. read a book or take a nap.  Just calm down for the day and think about the great big world and all the people who have it worse than you out there. Then, after a good relaxing night’s sleep, get up and instead of thinking of yourself and what you want done in your name, think about what you can do to make things better for everyone, not just your people, not your agenda.

If we could all do this, I am sure we could feed the hungry, clothe the poor, teach the uneducated, and treat their diseases. We could make the planet healthy and clean and green again. We could end wars, and build bridges between people again. But to do that we all need to chill out

Politics in the US

OK, if you are in the US, you know what is going on. But if you are outside the US and have not been exposed to the craziness here, you are very lucky.

Right now I am totally fed up with how Donald Trump is such a frigging asshole and still has a commanding lead on the Republican ticket. Seriously, I don’t see how they are letting him dictate everything. He has zero political knowhow, is a blowhard who has already insulted more than a billion people in the world by calling for a ban on Muslims in the US.  He insults people left and right who dare talk about him in a negative way. I am surprised that every bank that holds his funds in a Muslim nation has not frozen them because of his attitude. And what happens if he were to get in and then mouth off about Russia or North Korea and they won’t take his shit? Well the nukes could be flying.

I am also laying money that he will get sick of the job a few month in and just quit. And because of his rants and all, the other GOP candidates have to be just as crazy to get in the news.  The Democrats are also not impressing me either.  What a sad state of political affairs.  What happens when you don’t like any candidate when it comes time to vote?

I really don’t see any moderate candidate that cares about the plight of the US and the working class people making it to the White House.  I don’t see us having any secure future from recession, inflation or war.  I don’t see those in need in the US getting the help they need.

Hey does anyone have a small island I can buy and make my own nation?

My mental heal problem part 1

OK, so I am going to talk about myself instead of bitching about something else.  It might explain me some to anyone who actually reads it, or it might not, since I don’t really think anyone reads this.

So, I have had depression and anxiety disorder my whole life, and it has led to me having no feeling of self worth.  I don’t feel that people really care if I live or are part of their universe.  My whole life is trying to make people happy so they notice me, or find something worthwhile with me.

To that end, I write a shit load of emails.  I think I write the people I am in contact with, are friends with every day.  They all write back either that day or within a few. It comforts me when they do, it means, to me, that they value me as a human being. If I don’t get a response after a week or two, I get anxiety attacks about what they really think of me.I obsess about it, it causes me to feel sick. On the flip side, if they never wrote me, never initiated an email to share their lives meant to me that they didn’t want me as a friend.

To that end, more than a year ago, I stopped writing to many people who just never wrote back. I had to cut them out of my life to save my own. The anxiety of trying to please them, coupled with the anxiety of trying to be a good member of my family at home, was too much to deal with. So I stopped writing, forced myself to stop thinking of them, to stop needing their acceptance that I worthwhile. I had to make myself think that I was worthwhile, and to get rid of anything that made me fill worthless.

I have a very small group of friends, and we keep in touch. It is enough, it makes me feel good that I talk and communicate with them.  The anxiety is much less now, I am content with what I have from them. Now to deal with all the other issues in my life.

Passing the torch

So, over the weekend was the memorial service for Lemmy from Motorhead, a band I have listened to since high school.  Then today David Bowie passes away.  I guess it is to be expected, my high school days were decades ago, the bands I listen to were around before I started listening. My musical heroes are hitting the 70’s, and decades of drinking and drugs must have done something bad to their systems. Soon, more and more will start to die, and the torch will be passed to the younger bands.  It is a sad thought, but it is the reality of the situation.  It is not just musicians, but we will see our TV and movie stars, our sports stars, authors and painters, thinkers and dreamers. They will all go away and be replaced by the next generation.

Happy New Year and Resolutions

OK, I have been more than bad in not writing here or really checking in on the blogs I follow, and I apologize for that.  I hope you are all doing well and things are better this year, or looking better.

Well, I made it through the holidays, which is good. They are very stressful for me, and I will admit I don’t like them for myself. I mean I enjoy making my family happy with presents and all, but I would rather be left alone, just a thing I feel.  This year we did the crazy thing and all of my wife’s family and ours went to Florida to see the parks and get away for a week. I have never been to Disney, and I have only been to FL once years ago, but that was down to Key Largo.  Here are some things I learned from our trip:

  • The week between Christmas and New Years is crazy at the parks.  It seems like everyone goes there the week we went, so huge lines and all.
  • Legoland north of Orlando is much more fun for the smaller kids, and it is much less crowded.
  • The lake tour of Winter Park is well worth the drive to see the beautiful houses.
  • Make sure when you have 15 people in one house that no one is just getting over a 24 hour stomach bug, it is not fun.
  • Damn it can be hot! Going from CT to FL can be quite the shock.
  • Florida has way too many tolls on the road, so bring lots of singles and quarters when you get there.
  • Being on a gated community on a lake means everyone goes wild with the fireworks on New Years Eve.

So now to the resolutions for the new year for me.  They will be pretty tough but I will try my best.

  • get exercising again. I know it is common, but I will try to get this beer belly under control again. I set up my bike in the basement and will aim for 3 nights a week of biking and weights.
  • Be a better husband and father, I don’t think I am doing the best job, but not too bad. There is room for improvements.
  • Keep the mess under control at the house. it is hard with 2 kids and a dog, so I have to keep off my ass less and help out more.
  • See if I can get a better feeling of self-worth. I am doing the therapy thing now, and while it is hard, I will keep trying. I need to get my depression and anxiety more under control. I need to figure out my feelings and beliefs, and just become human.
  • Do things that I used to enjoy again.  A lot have fallen away and I need to find the joy in them again.

December Chaos


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Hey, I just noticed that I have not written in a while, but with all the bat-shit craziness in the world, well I have been too disgusted with humanity to feel like sharing anything.  Here are a few things that have really upset me.

  • Terrorism/mass murders here in the US and abroad.  I really can not believe how barbaric we act towards each other.  People really do not view their actions as bad. They have no concept of the worth of human lives. And then we get the arguments about gun control, refugees, immigrants, war, etc. The fear mongers are just using this to their advantage.  People have become blase to these daily reports of incidents. I really feel that we can not call this a civilized society anymore.
  • Politics, oh my lord.  I am lucky that I was born and raised in the US, being given advantages that many nations don’t have. But what the hell is up with politics. You have politicians doing outrageous things, and making false promises. I am sick of Donald Trumps insane claims and how he treats people. And why the hell hasn’t the GOP thrown him out?  Databases to track people based on their constitutional right to freedom of religion?  Banning all people coming  to the US based on religion or nationality even if they are fleeing war and prosecution?  Thinking the intern camps of WWII were a good idea? Insulting every race and religion and group left and right?
  • And threats against schools and other places. You are just making this a police state.  Kids use it as a game to get out of school or exams. Or they just do it for a laugh.  It just keeps us in a state of fear all the time, we are now a paranoid population.  Hell, I am going to Star Wars when it opens but will have to think about what is the safest place to sit in case of attack.
  • The Butt-Hurt mentality of people. If we are not afraid of something we are offended by it.  We went from really fighting the offensive bad things people do, to fighting what anyone does that isn’t the same as us. It is no longer lets all get along, it is like “you do what I tell you or I will make a huge stink of things”  There are many serious things we should fix, but complaining about the color of a coffee cup should not be a priority.

I better stop now, I could go on for days and days.  But those damn kids are on my lawn again

Hearts as cold as the weather

With all that has gone on lately, the violence in Paris, the violence in the US, the refugees and how they are treated, the provocation by the US, the Chinese, the Russians, racism, everything. All of this makes me think that humanity has lost the humanity they are supposed to have.  Wars, terrorism, killings. We do not treat each other as human beings, but more like things that are in our way. Why is that?  Why can’t we take a minute to think about the ramifications of violent acts?  Can’t we take a page from Gandhi and take the non-violent protest approach?  I would more respect Muslim voices if instead of bombing, they had a sit-down protest in the capitals of the nations, or outside the doors of the UN.  MLK achieved more respect by marching, not fighting. Love not hate.  Peaceful protests. Hearts have frozen, and logic and feelings are gone by the masses.

Back to summer, yay!

So we have had some cold weather lately, and the leaves all turned fast.  Had snow flurries, and frost on everything several mornings. Then last night we had a lot of rain.  Some parts of the state got walloped and lost power, luckily not in my town.

Then this morning when I came downstairs, I see the windows and screen door is open. I asked my wife why and she told me it was already like 63 degrees. It was wonderful!  And I just got back from my lunch time walk, it is 74 degrees and sunny. I just wish it would stick around for Halloween.